Oxymoron
by Kit-Quicksand
Summary: No matter how hard she distracts herself, she can always hear them upstairs.
1. Chapter 1

Yuffie sat from behind the bar, violently focused on rubbing off every single particle of dust, dirt, shit anything that even thought about attaching itself to the glass in her hand. Normally Yuffie did a half-assed job with the dishes, most the time she would do one or two then get distracted with something a little more entertaining and slip off before anyone could say anything to oppose it, or tell Tifa that she would do them later, and later, and later until the woman got tired of waiting, and the smell of the week old dishes started to scare costumers off, and she would do them herself. But today was not normal, actually the last couple of weeks had yet to be normal. Yuffie had spontaneously become a workaholic, much to Tifa's pleasure; however it did worry her, because Yuffie just simply didn't do chores… ever. 

Tifa had begun to notice a pattern in the young ninja's seemingly random enthusiasm for work around the bar though, it had taken a while to catch on but when she finally realized it she could kick herself for not seeing it beforehand. See, Yuffie's work ethic dramatically increased when _he_ came to visit _her_. Tifa smile sympathically to herself as she watched the small girl work, her face creased in sheer concentration.

"Yuffie, I have to go for a while. I'll be back tomorrow, Can you handle the bar by yourself for a while?" she asked.

Yuffie smiled at her, "Mayyyybeee…."  
"Maybe?"  
More sweetly this time, "Yes maybe. Tifa I will most graciously take care of your stupid bar and protect it from drunks with body odor, and tax collectors, and um, all around bad people, if… IF you bring me back the biggest bar of chocolate you can find, and one of those sappy romantic comedies. Get one with a lot of sex scenes, good sex scenes".

Tifa rolled her eyes, "Are you kidding? I thought you hated those movies"  
"Don't ask questions, you know the responsibility you are giving me right now? Do you know all the things that could happen between now and then, it's practically begging for a disaster."  
"Fine. I will get you chocolate." Tifa said laughing.  
"And the movie?"  
"Yes, yes and the movie."  
When hearing this Yuffie cheered up some, "Then you have got a deal." She could hear Tifa snort has she headed towards the door of the bar, only turning around to clearly demand, "behave" and then went out to the street.

Yuffie sighed softly when she was gone, and observed how many people were actually at the bar. Only a handful, the real crowd wouldn't come in for another hour or so, plus it was a Thursday, it should be slow. These poor guys would be plastered by then though; they were hitting the stuff pretty hard. She had to resist the urge to go and sit with them, to drink as irresponsibly as possible until she was so wasted that she wouldn't have to distract herself with stupid dishes from the man upstairs, and the dumbass little twit he was with. To get so wasted, so she could sing as loudly as possible, as out of tune as possible, as absolutely horrible as possible so she could drown out the slight mummers of their voices that she would hear occasionally much to her despise.

Gawd this sucked. 

She knew that he was never hers; she knew that he would ALWAYS hang all over that dead girl, that he would always be a little emo bitch because of his past, which was retarded. He would always make this huge, dramatic twelve word monologue about how he has to repent… blah blah... fire and brimstone, blah blah, don't concern yourself with it. Or something like that, to be honest Yuffie never really paid attention to what he said; it was pointless, because he was dully predictable. If he wasn't moping he was lecturing her, not even with his words either, but with his eyes, and face, and body. He never had to say "Yuffie body surfing on a fragile, frozen lake half naked in the middle of January is fucking retarded. Hell will freeze over before I let you do that, because you will probably fall through the ice and I'll probably have to stop being emo and go get your dumb ass", because he would just radiate it.

However despite his woe-is-me-ness, she felt she had gotten him to take an itty-bitty teeny-weeny little step closer to having an actual life. Well, that was until Shelke came. 

Yuffie wasn't exactly sure what Shelke actually was… all she knew is that the girl had a very, very direct connection to the one person he wanted more than anything else in the entire world, So naturally he was drawn to her. Tifa had insisted that Shelke stay with them at the bar, at least until she could figure out what to do next, Yuffie hadn't objected, she hadn't said anything actually just stayed unnaturally quite through the whole conversation. Soon after, he started coming, making an appearance almost every day. Which was what Mr. Vincent fucking Valentine was doing right now upstairs, having actual decent conversations with limited akward pauses and laughter, ACTUAL LAUGHTER! And there was Yuffie downstairs, slowly unleashing her rages on the helpless bacteria that clung to the dirty cups, and mugs, and glasses. It felt wrong that Shelke, whatever she was, could make him do the things that Yuffie _desperately _tried to do, and effortlessly succeed, and for that Yuffie just could not simply bring herself to like her. Ever. Never, never, never, ever!

"Hellllllo, are you even paying attention?!"  
Yuffie snapped back to reality, turning to see a gruff, obviously EXTREMELY drunk man on the other side of the bar.

"Yeah, yeah what the hell do you want?" She replied, she began to notice that he was not that bad a looking guy, actually he was pretty cute, in a oh-my-gawd-you-are-over-three-times-the-legal-limit kind of way, that is, if you are into that.

"W- Well, my, aren't we a little feisty. You know you are pretty hot, why don't you just pop a squat over here next to me. We can, I don't know… talk and stuff." He said, struggling. It was a pathetic attempt, truly it was. But she was in desperate need of an ego boost, and she didn't get compliments oftenPlus she was PMSing from a lack of sexual attention like you would not believe_. Pfft, why the hell not._ She put her glass down, and walked closer to him, "Do you actually want something, or are you only here to get in these?" She points towards her shorts, and smiles when his gaze follows her finger, _oh yeah who still got it..._ she chose to ignore that fact that he was drunk off his ass, so a hole in a tree would be a suitable partner for him at this point.

"I think you know what I want, baby. Come on, we can go to my place, trust me it won't be boring."  
She pondered for a second; maybe a one-night stand wouldn't be so bad right now, even if it was with someone who used the most unoriginal pick up lines ever. She would get the satisfaction of doing something complete irresponsible, she would get her mind off of _him_, and when the poor moron was finished she would get his gil, material, really anything he was stupid enough to take with him to get plastered. It seemed pretty appealing in all honesty.

She never got the chance to answer him though.

"I think, perhaps, it's time for you to leave."

Towering behind her was Vincent Valentine; shooting death glares at the man, who, thanks to his current state of intoxication was completely immune to them or just didn't notice them at all.

"Shit Vinnie, you scared the crap out of me, I swear we should tie bells to you or something."  
He didn't reply, just continued to stare.

The man spoke again, "So, babe you coming? Aw come on, you know you want this." He said, wiggling a bit, in an attempt to show off his self proclaimed sex appeal.

"Oh gawd." Was all she could say before she saw a blur of red fabric, and caught briefly a glance of her plans for the night being literally thrown out the door of the bar.

"Why the hell did you do that for, Vinnie!" she shrieked, stomping back behind the bar, frantically searching for an infected dish, she really needed to clean something.  
"I did not approve of how he was displaying himself towards you." He said calmly as he locked the door after ushering everyone else out, walking over to her.  
"Oh big freaking deal. What if I liked it hmm? Weren't you even going to ask if maybe I wanted him kicked out!" she yelled at him angrily, not tearing her eyes away from the glass in her hand, it was so dirty, no matter how she scrubbed it never got any cleaner.

He didn't say anything at first, but she could feel him staring at her. She was trying so hard to hide the blush that was rising to her cheeks.  
"Would you like me to bring him back then?" he asked, politely but it seemed cold.  
"No! I want you to stop deciding what is suitable for me to see or not. I don't NEED your help. I am a freaking ninja; I did save the freaking world. I think I can take care of myself enough to chose my own company, thank you!" she spat out bitterly. _It's all your fault anyway, bastard._

"My apologies, I wasn't aware that you were enjoying his _company_" he replied quickly, there was no mistaking the venom this time.

Yuffie fumed violently, clinching her fist tightly before realizing she was still holding the glass. Shards flew everywhere, shattering all over the counters and the floor. _Fuck, I just mopped the floor._ She felt the pain in her hand, she just didn't really recognize it, she was too angry, she had too much momentum going now to back down now. _It's all his fault, it's all your stinkin' fault!_

She looked at him now, for the first time since the argument, only to find all that anger had left his face, it was replaced with a hint of concern, though she couldn't really be sure. He reached out for her good hand.  
"Piss off, Vincent."  
He sighed audibly, and grabbed her hand again, firmly but yet still unbelievably gentle.

That's what she loved/hated about him, the fact that he was a walking oxymoron. He was so quiet, yet he had so much to say. He was cold to everyone, yet incredibly compassionate when someone needed his help. He was a bad ass killer, yet he was suffering on the inside like you would not believe, crying like a moody middle school girl. She hated the way he made her think of these things, she hated the way he made her all poetic and shit, she hated how he remind her of literately terms he father taught her, that she never intended to remember. She hated how she was turning into a regular domestic cleaning goddess just to avoid him, she hated the way she couldn't control her thoughts, and over all mushiness when it came to him.  
He herded her to the bathroom, pushed her (gently again, always gently.) to sit down on the toilet, then turning around and disappearing in the hallway momentarily.

She took this opportunity to take notice of her hand, it was pretty gross. Two large fragments and countless slivers of glass were imbedded in her hand, sticking out annoyingly. Blood managed to spread all over her right side, staining her shirt, and shorts, and probably most of the floor from the bar to here. _Great, more to clean._

He came back with a first aid kit Tifa hid under the bar, years of experience taught her that drunken people like to get hurt, a lot. Yuffie didn't look at him while he worked on her hand, picking out every shard of glass as painlessly as he could, she instead once again forced herself to focus on not wincing every time he touched her, gawd knows she has already shown enough weakness tonight she was going to keep what little dignity she had left. This plan however was blown all to hell (like most her plans she noticed, nothing ever worked when she was in charge.) when he started to clean her hand with rubbing alcohol. _FUCKING MOTHER OF SHIT!! OWWWWW GAWD DAMNIT. _She was not expecting it to hurt THAT bad, she thought, biting her lip harshly almost to distribute the pain somewhere else for a while and give her poor hand a break.

Vincent noticed this, and stopped briefly and raised a questioning eyebrow at her. She glared in response, and he began to clean again. _Oh man, I swear I'm seeing stars._  
She needed something to get her mind off of the pain, and so her pride and her throbbing hand fought an internal battle, the hand winning.  
"Did you learn to do all this as a Turk?" she asked, hoping he would answer with more the just a nod.  
"Yes." Not much better…  
"You have absolutely no conversation skills you know th- SHIT!!" she screamed as he moved on to one of the deeper cuts.

She didn't try to talk after that, just sat there in a nerve-wrenching silence, gnawing at her lip savagely.  
"Were you really going to go with that man?"  
The question startled her, but she didn't show it.  
"I don't see how it's any of your concern."   
"Yuffie, answer the question."

"No, why should I? I have my right to privacy you know! I don't have to tell you shit if I don't want to. Why are you down here anyway, shouldn't you be up there with your stupid ankle biting girlfriend?" It was a cheap shot, but gawd sometimes it just feels good to aim that low.  
He glared at her, red eyes warning her to watch her tongue, which she ignored, which she always ignored.  
He started to bandage her hand, still careful, still gentle, and still oxymoronish.

"Is everything alright" asked the one voice Yuffie had prayed she wouldn't hear, she stiffened as a snarl reached her face. _Speak of the devil._   
"Yes Shelke, everything is peachy freaking keen." It was bitter, she was bitter. Vincent watched her, almost like she was a time bomb ready to go off, she had exploded twice on him already, and he felt he was only buying time before she had another one, and the new presence in the bathroom certainly did not better his chances of keeping Yuffie as calm as possible.  
"Shelke, go back upstairs, I've got it under control." He said emotionless, not looking up.  
"Yes, I see. Goodnight.", and with that she walked back upstairs, however she did not take the awkwardness with her, nor did her exit loosen Yuffie's posture.

They sat there, neither of them talking as Vincent slowly continued to wrap her hand. Yuffie didn't want to break the silence, she always broke the silence, but she couldn't stand it very long. It was like a heavy blanket suffocating her, and she knew Vincent could withstand it, he lived in it. So she did what she knew she would regret, she broke it.

"Yes, I was going to go." She finally confessed, only to be greeted with yet another silence. _Bastard._  
"Why?"   
"Sloppy, drunken sex is a hell of a lot more interesting than doing dishes, Vinnie." He was half relieved to hear the annoying nickname again, that however was pushed out of his mind by the disturbing realization of what she just said.

"Yuffie…"  
"BECAUSE, because… I could use a quickie, ok? Even The Great Ninja Yuffie gets emo and discouraged sometimes, and _sometimes_ I like to hear cheesy pick up lines coming in my direction. Plus, I'm pretty broke… and chances are he would be dumb enough to carry a decent amount of gil on him. Also sex is a good stress reliever, and I'm so up to here with stress." She said trying to extend her arms to prove her point, then remembered her hand (which was already halfway bandaged, damn he is fast) and decided against it.

"I swear if you lecture me on how dangerous it is, I will shove plastic ninja stars up your ass."  
Again his eyebrow rose, "You should be a little more choosy of your lovers."  
"You didn't really meet him, he could have been nice."

"I somehow doubt that Yuffie."  
"Geez Vinnie, your cup is so half empty all the time." She said tiredly.

"Yuffie," his tone was more serious than it had been a few moments before, "please do not be so reckless in the future." He placed her now fully wrapped hand in her lap softly, and looked at her almost analytically, studying her face as if it was some kind of super-hot-ninja-sexy book, "not everyone should be so easily trusted."

She snorted, "Gawd, do I have to keep telling you this, I'm a freaking ninja! HELLLLOO, I've only saved the world like twenty hundred times, I think I can beat the shit out of a drunk. Thank you very much".

She could have sworn she saw a very, very, very tiny smile appear on his face. "Yes, I know. I was there."

Then it hit her, hard and unexpectedly. Vincent was there, he had been there, he had always been there. He was always there backing her up in seemingly suicidal missions, covering her blind spot, saving her ass. She knew that he would always been in her shadows, stopping threats she would not be able to handle, destroying foes she would never see. Like thin ice, and drunk men, and himself.  
Mind you she had saved his pretty little ass more than once; they were on hell of a team. He was quiet, she was loud. Night to day, Calculated to reckless, jaded to hopeful, polite to painfully blunt and she was getting poetic again (gawd she hated him). But that was why they were so effective, because they were opposites, they balanced each other out. There was no way in hell that they would let the other go down, never ever ever.

In that moment she felt like the most secure people in the whole wide world, she had Vincent Valentine on her side. And at that moment she forgave him for the not letting her play on the frozen lake, and for his oxymoronishness, and for throwing her potential fuck buddy out the door.

"I think you know I love you." She wasn't sure why she said it, and had she thought for even a millisecond she would have never allowed herself to vocalize it, it was ironic in that she didn't think at all, she just talked.

He looked a little taken back at the statement.  
She continued, "I think you have always known. I think you love me too. I think that scares the shit out of you. I also think Shelke is killing you. "

No one said anything for a while, Vincent really couldn't find the words to reply to her random outburst, and Yuffie was trying to figure out whether she had just said that out loud or not, but judging by Vinnie's face… then she had.

"Shit." She breathed, and waited.  
"I think you think too much." Then he did the most unexpected thing she had ever seen him to, he bent down and kissed her forehead. The inner hormonal teenage Yuffie shrieked and bounced around in her mind, ricocheting off of her skull walls. "Go to bed, I will clean up the mess". And then he just left, just as deadpanned as ever. And Yuffie did what he told her (which was bizarre in itself), she went straight to her room, laid down and stared at her ceiling for what seemed like an eternity, because she knew she could never get to sleep now. She reminded herself in the morning to call Tifa, she would need a hell of a lot more chocolate.


	2. Smart Mouthed Laquesha

When she wakes up she remembers the random emotional outbursts late at night have the same effect the next morning as a hangover- crusty eyes, swollen checks, and headache from hell. She sits up and looks for the nearest mirror just to make sure there isn't some gigantic split in the middle of her head, thankfully there isn't; Yuffie is pretty sure she would vomit everywhere if there was. She runs her hands through her hair in a brief attempt to settle the hairs that have decided they would defy gravity this morning, and is greeted by a stinking pain in her hand. _Oh yeah…._

She is then bombarded with all the things that happened the night before, and her good hand instinctively goes up to her forehead; to the spot she is pretty sure he kissed, but can't be certain because she was a deer in headlights when it happened; which is an under exaggeration- her mind was flashing big red lights and screaming 'mayday, mayday mental malfunction'.

But whose wouldn't be if Vincent Valentine swapped spit with their forehead.

She walks back over to the bed in a daze; and calmly wonders w_hat the fuck do I do now?_

She takes a deep breath and gets herself into 'serious Yuffie' mode. The way she sees it she has got two options… she can handle this maturely by speaking to him calmly and asking him to explain what exactly they are, and what his feeling towards her actually are- or she can avoid him as much as possible. She decides the second choice; while the kiss was … unexpected, there were no fireworks or sappy romance music in the background and all it let was awkwardness and confusion, and she's not really sure she wants all the answers to her questions.

Plus she's not exactly sure what a kiss on the forehead means; a sloppy kiss on the lips she can interpret… but a kiss on the forehead? That can mean about fifty billion different things, and odds aren't they are the meaning she is really hoping for.

"Well this sucks." She mumbles to herself, "I just need to get my mind off of it." She walks over to the other side of the room and picks up her PHS which is lying conveniently on a whole mound of her dirty clothes, and dialed Tifa's number.

After what seems like_ forever_ Tifa finally picks up. "Hello?"

"Gawd Tifa, what took you so long? Ew… wait is Cloud over there? Grossness, don't even answer that- I don't want to know." She heard Tifa sigh.

"Yuffie that was the weirdest greeting. What do you need?" she pauses a second, "nothing's wrong with the bar, right?" she asks, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Yuffie rolls her eyes, "Yeah actually, you won't believe it- we had this _huge_ earthquake, and it started this enormous fire in the bar. Don't worry though, the giant tsunami put it out, and I'm going through a midlife crisis, and I started my period and-"

"Alright, I get it." Tifa laughs, "So what did you really call for then?" she hears Yuffie huff at her question.

"Why do you always assume I call you when I want something, maybe I just enjoy your company- by company I mean your boobs of course." Tifa is about to respond, but Yuffie beats her to it, "Alright, fine… um, remember when you said you would get me some chocolate and stuff?"

"Yuffie that was yesterday, of course I remember."

"and remember when you said you would get me a moooovvvviiieee?"

"Yes, Yuffie. Get to the point," she says.

"I am. Geez, remind me not to interrupt you and Cloud again, it makes you all cranky." She takes a deep breath and mumbles out as quickly as she can, "couldyoubringmemore?"

It takes a moment for Tifa to despiser what she just said, "why?"

"Because dealing with a series of natural disasters makes me hungry?" Tifa laughs, she continues, "We could have like a girl's movie night, or whatever when you get back. It will be fun Tifa!"

She pauses a second and hears, "Yeah ok, I'll grab some more. I'll be home around sixish, okay?"

"Yeah okay, sweet! Bye Teef," she hangs up, and does a little victory dance, which actually looks a little retarded but she doesn't mind. Distraction in place, now the only problem is finding out where Vinnie actually is, and staying as far away from there as possible till six. _Think, think, think, duh! Reno!_

"Of course, I'm a moron," she says dialing Reno's number.

Reno and her and become surprisingly close over the past few years. After the Geo Stigma incident, where they all were practically forced to work together- he had started coming to Tifa's bar. Tifa and Cloud hated him with a serve burning passion, but not near as much as Vincent did (which surprised her, she thought they would have some kind of Turk bond, or something) by the looks he gave him Yuffie was scared Reno clothes would burst into flames, but he kept coming back. If nothing else than just to annoy the shit out of them- Yuffie found she could respect that kind of determination and started hanging out with him. She wasn't sure if she did it because he was a funny drunk or because Cloud strictly forbade it, regardless they found they got along quite nicely and it wasn't long till he was up there on her "People I Actually Buy Christmas Presents For" which included all of four people. She found he was a nice relief to all the goodie-goodie shit she was surrounded by constantly, and he never lectured her when she lighted the load of some passing buy tourist, hell he had actually helped her steal it a couple of times – if that's not friendship then what is. In return she would go with him to bars, and help him attract women (not that he really needed help) by hanging all over him and raising the competitive sprit; it always worked. She told him things not even Tifa knew about, and he would answer back with some smart ass comment, that was supposed to sound stupid, but really had an underlying meaning to it- once she figured that out she found he was actually a pretty smart guy… for a turk.

"Reno, Reno, Reno, renorenorenorenoreno, pick up!" she chants to the ring.

"H-hello?" he sounds like he just woke up.

"Morninnnnnggg Turkey," she makes it a point to be as annoying as humanly possible, that's what he gets for not picking up the phone faster- after all she is a busy girl.

"Fuck Yuffie, what time is it?"

"9:27" she waits for him to freak out, she doesn't wait long. 

"9:27?! Why the hell are you calling me at 9:27? You know damn well I don't even think about waking up before at least noon." He rants some more after that, but she doses out and vaguely hears him say something about her mother and a foreign prostitute. She decides to save what innocence her ears have left (not much) and interrupts him.

"Hey shut up for a second, gawd…" she hears him growl over the line, "First off that was a pretty weird noise, I won't lie. Now, back to what I actually called to ask you. Tifa won't be home till 6 and I'm in charge of the bar, and I'm having massive, I mean ginormous Vinnie problems. Soooo, do you want to come over and help?"

He thinks a second, "Do I get to drink free?" She snorts.

"Don't you always?"

"Yeah, good point. Alright brat, I'll come over. You should probably get ready though- If I'm coming then you know dozens of hot girls are going to be following." She makes a gagging sound, which isn't really attractive ever.

"Insensitive bastard, what would Rude think- breaking his heart like that. I'm ashamed of you, I would think you would honor your commitment with him a little more than that." It's his turn to make the choking noise.

"Princess, you want me to prove to you that I'm not gay. Cause I'm more than willing." she can hear his smirk.

"Ew, that won't be necessary. I take pride in being STD free, thank you very much." He laughs.

"You mean prude."

"Shut up, I'm not prude!" she says, "Whatever I don't have time to argue with you now. Just hurry up and get your ass over here Turkey" and hangs up.

She gets dressed, slowly and carefully because her hand still hurts like a bitch, and Reno's cussing spree did nothing to help her headache. She sneaks down the stairs, wide eyed and alert- she had seen Vinnie first hand, and knew he could materialize randomly from seemingly nothing; which she thinks is pretty freaking unfair. She relaxes visibly when she is sure he didn't stay the night, and goes to open the bar.

She knows that she is late, and the bar should have been opened two hours ago; but Tifa isn't here to bitch her about it, and it's not like she will find out. Plus who the hell really wants a drink at seven in the morning, excluding Reno (that is probably his breakfast). Her suspicious are confirmed when no shows up for a while, and she exclaims a loud, "I'm so fucking bored," to the bar stool, and chairs, and to a probably sleeping Shelke upstairs- which gives her an idea.

Reno arrives about twenty minutes later and walks in to find she has turned up the radio to an ungodly level, and is currently using a rather pathetic looking mop (it was falling apart, even before she touched it) as air guitar. He notices Shelke at the top of the stairs glaring daggers at her, probably yelling too, but Yuffie doesn't even seem to notice her- she just keep twirling, and spinning, and unconsciously beating the shit out of that poor broom. He can't help but smile at the sight, as he walks over to the radio which is waging a war on his eardrums, and turns it off.

Yuffie stops dead when the music does, and turns to Reno and winks at him, then looking up to where Shelke is currently fuming, "Oh, sorry about that. I guess I forgot you were here," and gives a mischievous smile. Shelke apparently decides to that the high road, which is never near as much fun, gives a final glare and goes back to her room.

"Anti-social bitch," Yuffie says, and puts the mop back in its place- broken and exhausted, then sits down on the bar, and downs a carton of aspirin; no brilliant plan goes without sacrifices she tells herself as her head throbs. Reno smirks and follows her over.

"What was that, some kind of Wutain mating dance?" he asks.

She snorts, "Why did it work for you?" He walks behind the bars, and starts making himself a drink.

"It might have, if you had tits." She crosses her arms, and looks down her shirt.

"I have boobs! See I can see them, bastard." She sticks her tongue out. He glares at her and leans to her over the bar.

"Stick that thing at me again, and I'll have to do something about it." He says, throwing her a smirk. She promptly rolls her eyes.

"Gross, hey will you make me one too?" she asks, staring at his drink.

He sighs, "What do you want?"

"The same as always, I want an umbrella too." He raises an eyebrow, she continues, "they are on the second shelve," and nods her head in its direction, he mumbles something about princesses under his breath.

When he is done with both their drinks he comes to sit next to her, "So what's this about 'Vinnie problems'?" She tells him the whole story, or at least all she remembers- all about the drunk, and the lack of sex, and the fighting, and the cuts, and the kiss, and she has to stop a couple of times in the middle of it to tend to a few men who are unnaturally early. Reno helps too, he is a lot better at it then she is, considering he like an encyclopedia of anyway someone could possibly get drunk. He interrupts her story once or twice to throw in a, "What the hell didn't he just use a cure?", and she responses by punching him and telling him, "Because that's not near as romantic." (Though it is a good point, and she kind of wishes he did… cause it still kind of hurts.) Reno offers to cure it himself, she declines not wanting to put Vinnie's hard work to shame- he rolls his eyes. He comes to the same conclusion she did, that the kiss could mean just about anything and Vinnie's 'game' was develop practically a thousand years ago when vampires where actually cool, and that the art of flirting has evolved dramatically since then. So basically, interrupting it would be as hard as learning a dead language… wonderful.

At two the bar is still mostly empty, Yuffie is washing the counter and Reno is counting the unrealistically, large pile of phone numbers he collected earlier that day behind the bar- purposely getting in her way.

"12, 13, 14- Candy, that's always a promising name." he says.

"Reno if you don't stop dirtying up the bar with your retarded hooker numbers I swear I will destroy any chance you have of reproducing ever again in the future, ever." He laughs.

"Jealous?" she grins.

"Hardly, I just don't want to-"she stops in the middle of her sentence and stares out the window; paling visibly, "s-shit, he's coming. Reno he's coming!" Reno follows her glance, and quickly shoves her under the counter; crouching she grabs on to his leg (like it would hide her any better) and chooses to ignore the smirk that grows on his face or the subjective position she is in- his footsteps grow closer. She squeezes her eyes shut and hold her breath, which makes her resemble a constipated squirrel that is slowly changing into the always lovely color blue.

"Reno?" she hears Vincent's voice, her grip on his leg tightens.

"Actually I prefer being called Laquesha, thanks," he says thick with sarcasm.

"… What are you doing here?" Vincent responses back threateningly, Yuffie is amazed how Reno doesn't piss himself right there, and undeniable glad he doesn't- the last thing she needs in to be urinated on.

"Yuffie was getting swamped with the bar, so she called me to help." Vincent surveys the bar and the three men that are currently 'swamping' it, then turns back to Reno and raises an eyebrow.

"Where is Yuffie?" he says deadpanned. Yuffie tightens her hold on Reno's leg once again, until he is sure it is just going to pop off like some sick cartoon.

"She went to the store, out of those little umbrella things or some shit like that." He pauses, "Look as much as enjoy playing twenty questions with you, and trust me I do, Yuffie will kill me if she finds out I've be flirting with the costumers again- so sorry babe, but we are going to have to keep this professional." He winks, and finds a rather large gun barrel practically swallowing his forehead (what's with Vinnie and foreheads?) –surprisingly Reno doesn't fluster, just searches his pockets for a cigarette, lights it and blows it in Vincent's face, "and I can't even imagine what she will do to you if you make a mess in here. Bitch is psycho when it comes to making this dump spick and span, and she is pretty creative with her death threats." Yuffie would punch him if he wasn't already digging his on grave.

She is surprised when Vincent pulls back the gun, gives Reno one last death glare, and walks upstairs.

Reno swears under his breath, and looks down to see Yuffie staring up at him stunned. She loses her balance and gracefully drops on her ass, still holding on to his leg.

"You are like a god," she says, "a cheesy, red headed, perverted god." He busts out laughing.

"And you shouldn't have taken so much aspirin."


End file.
